10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

They know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain......

But they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of Immigration.......



>>>TWO GUYS AT HOME DEPOT LOOKING FOR THEIR WIVES
>>> >>
>>> >> Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
>>>around Home
>>> >> Depot when they collide.
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm
>>>looking
>>> >> for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I
>>>was going."
>>> >>
>>> >> The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm
>>>looking for
>>> >> my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little
>>>desperate."
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says, Well, maybe we can help each other. What
>>>does your
>>> >> wife look like?
>>> >>
>>> >> The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red
>>>hair,
>>> >> blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's
>>>wearing tight white
>>> >> shorts.
>>> >>
>>> >> What does your wife look like?"
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours!"
>>>