10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.

7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


They know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain......

But they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of Immigration.......

>>> >>
>>> >> Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
>>>around Home
>>> >> Depot when they collide.
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm
>>> >> for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I
>>>was going."
>>> >>
>>> >> The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm
>>>looking for
>>> >> my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says, Well, maybe we can help each other. What
>>>does your
>>> >> wife look like?
>>> >>
>>> >> The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red
>>> >> blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's
>>>wearing tight white
>>> >> shorts.
>>> >>
>>> >> What does your wife look like?"
>>> >>
>>> >> The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours!"