does exactly what it says on the tin....


QANTAS PILOTS
>> >>
>>
>>
>> >> Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree
>> >> to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
>> >>
>> >> After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
>> >> sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
>> >>
>> >> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
>> >> form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>> >>
>> >> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
>> >> are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
>> >> (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
>> >> maintenance engineers.
>> >>
>> >> By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,
>> >> had an accident.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>> >> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>> >>
>> >> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>> >> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>> >>
>> >> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>> >> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>> >>
>> >> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>> >> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>> >>
>> >> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>> >> descent.
>> >> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>> >> S: Evidence removed.
>> >>
>> >> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>> >> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>> >>
>> >> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>> >> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>> >>
>> >> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>> >> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>> >>
>> >> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>> >> S: Suspect you're right.
>> >>
>> >> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>> >> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>> >>
>> >> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one&#33
>> >> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>> >>
>> >> P: Target radar hums.
>> >> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>> >>
>> >> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>> >> S: Cat installed.
>> >>
>> >> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>> >> pounding on something with a hammer.
>> >> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>>
>>

:lol: