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Thread: Women's humour

  1. #1
    cacherelle Guest

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    A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A rumour.

    He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.

    He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
    A: They can't stand criticism.

    Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
    A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

    Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
    A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
    A: Reload and try again!

  2. #2
    nobbynobbs Guest

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    women's humour..... :huh: isn't that an oxymoron? :lol:

  3. #3
    Alice Band Guest

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    Originally posted by nobbynobbs@Mar 28 2007, 04:31 AM
    women's humour..... :huh: isn't that an oxymoron? :lol:
    Come here Nobby! *SLAP*

    Honestly!

    Husband Shop:

    A shop that sells new husbands has just opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the shop operates:

    1. You may visit this shop ONLY ONCE.
    2. There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends.
    3. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    A woman goes to the Husband Shop to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
    Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

    The second floor sign reads:
    Floor 2 - These men have jobs and loves kids

    The third floor sign reads:
    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Impressive," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework. "Oh, wow!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
    Thank you for shopping at the Husband Shop.

    To avoid gender bias charges, the shop's owner opened a new Wives Shop just across the street, also with six floors and the same rules.
    The first floor has wives that love sex.
    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
    The third, fourth, fifth & sixth floors have never been visited.

    __________________________________________________ __

    I thank you. I'm here all this week...

  4. #4
    nobbynobbs Guest

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    so very true!!!!! :lol: both my ex wives suffered from that condition :lol:

  5. #5
    cacherelle Guest

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    Originally posted by nobbynobbs@Mar 29 2007, 08:38 PM
    so very true!!!!! :lol: both my ex wives suffered from that condition :lol:
    LMAO was that cos both times they went into the shop the lift was broken and they could only be arsed to walk to the first floor??? :P :P :lol:

  6. #6
    cacherelle Guest

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    Originally posted by nobbynobbs@Mar 28 2007, 05:31 AM
    women's humour..... :huh: isn't that an oxymoron? :lol:
    Naaaah that's a person who uses this on their hair! :P


  7. #7

    Join Date
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    :lol: Good one, AliceB !

  8. #8
    KathyXB Guest

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    Originally posted by cacherelle+Mar 29 2007, 09:35 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (cacherelle @ Mar 29 2007, 09:35 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-nobbynobbs@Mar 28 2007, 05:31 AM
    women&#39;s humour..... :huh: isn&#39;t that an oxymoron? :lol:
    Naaaah that&#39;s a person who uses this on their hair&#33; :P

    [/b][/quote]
    Hmm...putting stuff on hair...

    my lips are sealed&#33; :P

  9. #9
    nobbynobbs Guest

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    Originally posted by cacherelle+Mar 29 2007, 09:24 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (cacherelle @ Mar 29 2007, 09:24 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-nobbynobbs@Mar 29 2007, 08:38 PM
    so very true&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; :lol: both my ex wives suffered from that condition :lol:
    LMAO was that cos both times they went into the shop the lift was broken and they could only be arsed to walk to the first floor??? :P :P :lol: [/b][/quote]
    first floor&#33;&#33;&#33; bargain basement for me :lol: :lol:

    and here&#39;s the moron bit&#33;&#33;&#33;


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